I’ve opted to turn my eyes away from the hundreds of digital faces on my phone and am just really enjoying the process of getting to know the real face in front of me — slowly, but surely.
Deleting the apps off my phone gave me time to realize that the frantic pace I was going at wasn’t doing me, or the men I was meeting, any favors.
I’ll admit that during the first few weekends, I freaked out if I didn’t have plans with friends and was forced to sit alone at home on a Saturday.
Eventually, logging on to Ok Cupid via my laptop turned into downloading the app. My mother and I calculated and realized that I’d gone on something like 70 first dates in 2015.
I was double-booking myself, and if the date I was on was a dud, I’d sneak into the bathroom to swipe to find something to line up for after.
This was also, unsurprisingly, around the time I landed in therapy for anxiety.
I was desperately unhappy, and was convinced that a relationship would fix everything that was going on in my brain.
I mean, I was nothing if not a cautionary tale — I can’t tell you how many times I’d sneak off to the bathroom during a first date and start swiping.
I’m definitely not one to change my habits based on anecdotal evidence, but I will tell you that “mindful swiping” has worked out for me so far.
I started being able to go to the gym after work instead of before, which I found I enjoyed much more.
I was meeting friends for dinner instead of possible dates, and spending evenings at home alone.
And it worked, until I’d come home from a horrible date to my empty apartment and feel totally shitty.
During this time, I got extremely comfortable with the idea of being by myself.
But I was also the first to admit that I was fully burned out on dating.