Thank God for this, because it should move you to change direction away from self and back to Love. Airline stewards always tell you that, in the event of an emergency, you must put the oxygen mask on yourself first, Why? After divorce we want to help you learn to let go of many things, slow down, take rest, get help, pray more, talk things out, solve problems, find solutions, create a new life, and learn to forgive. Skip a meal, forgo a new purchase, go without your favorite TV show and offer it up (united with Christ’s perfect sacrifice). Bible: This doesn't mean accepting unfairness; it means not letting it control you. Don’t blame; instead get smart, try to look past the surface to the real problem, and find a workable solution. And maybe ask God to help you grow up a little (or a lot). Prov Catechism: Interior repentance is a radical reorientation of our whole life, a return, a conversion to God with all our heart, an end of sin, a turning away from evil, with repugnance toward the evil actions we have committed . CCC 1431 Oh, how we all struggle with “needs” versus “wants”! Anticipate all your annual expenses, including birthdays, holidays, school, vacations, new tires, doctor and dentist visits, etc. Scripture tells us it would be wise to try to settle your issues before you get into the courtroom. Court battles can make you feel like you got sent straight to jail for having a failed marriage.
And then something else happens: not only are you facing the reality of a failed marriage, but you are being forced to face the MUCH BIGGER reality of life itself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for.
CCC 27 Doctors used to give a sucker to the child who sat still for her shots; even adults need a little “sugar” to help them get through the pain of divorce. Bible: If we are the Body of Christ, that means the people in your local church should be His arms, His legs, and His smile for you.
Many therapists offer internet or telephone support. Do-it-yourself saves money on car washes, but might be stupid when it comes to healing from divorce. While in an overarching way He is completely “in control”, He also let go (in a sense) of that control so we could have free will. Because from that greatest evil came the greatest GOOD . Real love does not keep a child “safely” locked away from all pain. “God willed that mans should be ‘left in the hand of his own counsel,’ so that he might of his own accord seek his Creator and freely attain his full and blessed perfection by cleaving to him.” CCC 1730You’re not alone, we all struggle with forgiveness!
God does not WILL evil, but he PERMITS it, to safeguard the gift of our free will. But God also promises from the hurtful things that happen to bring forth a GREATER GOOD. Real love stands by faithfully, helping the child to grow from it. But when you learn more about this complex topic, and if you let God’s grace work in you, you’ll get there.
flows forth from the superabundance of merits of Christ (alone), rests on His mediation (to the Father), depends entirely on it, and draws all its power from it. Marriage sometimes becomes a person’s entire identity or their security.
(Lumen Gentium) CCC 970 People are made to bond with each other at various appropriate levels. People cry when their parents die, their best friend moves away, or their co-worker is transferred. Marriage is meant to be the highest level of union between people, uniting husband and wife into “one flesh”. It’s two unique individuals who form an intimate, deeply personal communion that mirrors the loving union of the Persons in the Trinity: they remain separate, but in a sense they also ‘disappear’ into each other at the same time. They merge, meld, and give themselves totally to one another. From that union should come great security, love, peace, and joy. When it’s lost, panic arises, and a person may often fight or flounder to grab hold of a quick substitute. CCC 1607 You may look at others who seem to heal more quickly, or even your ex-spouse who seems to have moved on. Each person is unique and unrepeatable; the way each experiences divorce will be just as unique.
Not to discount injustices and pain that you have suffered, but these are some unexpected treasures that can be yours! Mark -26 Catechism: (The heart’s) Conversion is accomplished in daily life by gestures of reconciliation . Taking up one’s cross each day and following Jesus is the surest way of penance. It makes the child feel safer when you tell the truth. • Always expect respect, but don’t intimidate or demand. • Encourage your child to join you in turning to God for help and comfort.
CCC 1435 Feelings of guilt can be like warning gauges on the car: they signal that something is wrong and we SHOULD pay attention to them. • Encourage the child to use his reason, not just his emotions. • Request an apology from them if they owe it to you or others in the family. • Never tolerant abusive attitudes, language, or behavior. Bible: Proverbs -24 Catechism: Parents must regard their children as children of God and respect them as human persons. • A naïve hope that time alone will make things better • Knowing what to do but being too proud, scared, cheap, or undisciplined to do it • Blaming, being unwilling or not knowing how to forgive • A doubt that God will bring justice in His own time • An emotional attachment (a “payoff”) to being a victim of divorce • Staying stuck in the role of protector of one of the parents These ways of thinking/acting need to be surrendered—along with one’s entire life—to a loving Lord.
If there is no Decree of Nullity, the other person is still a spouse even if common life has ended. (2) Try to clearly identify how you two got to this point so that you can work to solve the crises.