Other studies further elaborate the many reasons for SMSM substance use, including:[vii] As the above research demonstrates, we have a much better understanding of the lived experiences of SMSM in comparison to a mere decade ago. Ramamurthi, Cleo Manago, Sergio Avina, and Marvin Jones, “Sexual Behavior, Sexual Identity, and Substance Abuse Among Low-Income Bisexual and Non-Gay-Identifying African American Men Who Have Sex with Men,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 37, no. Then there was that time my friend Robby fell down the stairs and his weenie just happened to land in my mouth. That's why we end up with "accident" as an explanation for sexual activity.
However, the etiology of this behavior remains contentious, and the final posting in this blog series will examine proposed etiological explanations for this demographic. The problem is males who id as straight are not allowed the same freedom to experiment or act on curiosity as females who id similarly.
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Although he broke up with his gf while we were involved he continued to sometimes hook up with girls.
Our relationship ended when he was about to graduate and claimed he was sick of being "your gf," and that he couldn't see it turning into a fullblown romantic relationship anyway.
We are emotionally involved and that is the hard part.
We never spent a night together and there is a lot of guilt on his part; he is terrified of being found out.
The concept of straight men who have sex with men challenges the traditional and for many the unyielding belief that sexual behavior is indicative of identity. Parsons, “Sexual Behaviors of Non-gay Identified Non-disclosing Men Who Have Sex with Men and Women,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 37, no. [iii] Daryl Hood, Garrett Prestage, June Crawford, Tania Sorrell, and Chris O’Reilly, "Report on the BANGAR Project: Bisexual Activity/non Gay Attachment Research Targeting Strategies Identification Project." (Sydney: National Centre in HIV Epidemiology and Clinical Research ,1994). Reback and Sherry Larkins, “Maintaining a Heterosexual Identity: Sexual Meanings Among a Sample of Heterosexually Identified Men Who Have Sex with Men,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 39, no. [v] STD Communications Database: Interviews with Non-Gay Identified Men who have Sex with Men (NGI MSM),” (Atlanta, Georgia: Orc Macro, 2005). Now that I've stated the obvious, we can then extrapolate from it that heterosexual males, even anonymously, do not provide honest or even rational responses to surveys about same sex activity.
Using this stricture as guide, a man who has sex with another male must be gay (or bisexual at the least). Recall from the first posting that researchers increasingly call for studies to include a comprehensive description of sexuality, one encompassing self-identification, arousal patterns, and behavior. King, On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Men (New York: Harmony Books, 2005). Some refuse to even acknowledge it to themselves let alone a questioner or questionnaire.
Recall from the previous posting that straight men who have sex with other men (SMSM) do not generally share details about their same-sex sexual activity or desire with significant others in their lives.
Due in large part to the popularization of the topic in the bestselling 2005 book “On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Men,”[i] Latino and African-American men are the primary subjects in research with non-gay identified MSM.
I found there are a significant number of young men from age 18-35 who like the "Coach and or Daddy figure sexually." Ironically I think of myself as the least attractive and the least appealing as I have added weight and lessened in appearance YET there are a group of good looking, and even often athletic young men who seek the Coach-Daddy type of image! All men have an ego and at this point in my life I am getting that ego taken care of by college age guys that find my desirable.
Can you imagine the feeling when some of these guys refer to me as "Hot" and tell me how much I turn them on!! I'm clearly overweight, balding, and NOT in good shape but yet I attract and have sex with college basketball players, rugby players, swimmers, good looking non athletes, and a variety of guys that also like me and they like me also shun anything feminine. I find that to be revolting and it's not my scene and all of the college guys I have sex with share my thoughts about only doing this with other masculine guys.
The existence of white men engaging in the same behavior is unquestioned but has generally been elided (even though our existing knowledge base on bisexual men in general is built upon the white male experience).[ii] One of the earliest studies, The Bisexual and Non-Gay Attached Research Project from the early 1990s, found that participants engaging in same-sex sexual behavior but not identifying as gay or bisexual described themselves as “kinky,” “normal,” or “just a guy.”[iii] A much more recent 2010 study consisted of interviews with heterosexually identified men who had engaged in sexual activity with another male in the previous year; participants did not consider this activity as discrepant with their identity.