I told no one, immersed and isolated in my secret life. In moments of fleeting clarity, I wanted to understand what was happening to me. Was it just my marriage problems, or was there something deeper causing me to behave that way?
What drew me to the online world was the maintenance of fantasy.
Bringing it to life brought only complications, albeit occasionally exquisite ones.
My husband worked hard at his job and, to alleviate its accompanying pressures, developed his obsession with horseracing, gambling and drinking. These conversations quickly developed into cyber-sex, each message becoming more adventurous and racy and allowing me to live out fantasies I would never contemplate doing in the real world. My husband and I became strangers, our lives by now distinct entities. I told myself that what I was doing was essentially harmless.
When the time was right for both of us, we would work through our problems and come back to one another. I shed my regulars and concentrated on just one, a man younger than me by almost two decades.
I ignored it until I could do so no longer, until eventually, for what felt like the sake of my sanity, I resolved to do something about it.
A late arrival into the world of social media, I nevertheless embraced it as a kind of escape.
In the app there are 'chatrooms' including Everyone and Nearby.
The former searches for all users, while the latter applies to people within Bluetooth and Wi-Fi range.
And I did, pretty much, and I was perfectly fine - until suddenly I wasn't.