Among the women who have written about their Trump-supporting partners, there are big red flags—it seems you scratch the surface of a supposedly not-sexist Trump fan and suddenly sexism seeps out.
The xojane writer’s boyfriend was reasonable and respectful to her face, but when he was surrounded by his Trump-bro friends started making racist jokes, called Clinton “an entitled c*nt who only represents a bunch of ugly feminazis,” and said women shouldn’t have the right to vote. Your partner hears that someone hates women—a category to which you belong—and this person thinks you’re less capable than men and even less than human, and his response is to validate that person’s aspirations to one of the most powerful positions in the world, and shrug off your concerns as “so what.” Don’t be with someone who thinks it’s ok for people to hate you is what.
This is about fundamental values: How should we treat other human beings? A guy who doesn’t care about the chaos and destruction Trump promises to sow—splitting apart families, deporting people based on their religion—because he’s entertained by someone whose stream-of-conscious sputterings reflect a bizarre ideal of not giving a damn?
His supporters routinely call Hillary Clinton a “bitch” and a “cunt,” when they aren’t yelling that someone should “kill the bitch;” Trump looks the other way, or even froths up the vitriol.
This is on top of the fact that Trump has dehumanized Mexicans and Muslims, mocked the disabled and attacked the family of a fallen soldier.
But ending a dating relationship, where there presumably aren’t joint finances or shared property or kids? I say “Girl” because the majority of Trump supporters are men.
And while married white women often back Republicans, that’s changing in this election—Trump is doing far worse with white female voters than any Republican in the last quarter-century. ” Bad news: Dating or marrying a woman isn’t a get-out-of-sexism-free card.
When your boyfriend or husband supports Trump, he’s answering that question too.
Which should lead you to another one: Why is this the man you choose?
Maybe they view women are more ornamental than substantive or more inherently maternal than ambitious; maybe they subconsciously hold women to higher standards than men or expect that their wives or girlfriends to do the emotional work of the relationship and don’t think to reciprocate; maybe they think girl stuff is kinda dumb and women are more emotional than men and they just can’t stand it when their female boss is such a bitch.
One good way to know if your boyfriend or husband is a soft misogynist (or a more blatant one): He’s voting for Donald Trump. He treats the women in his romantic life as a kind of rotating set of dolls, marrying a younger model each time and charging them with doing all of the childcare, then going on talk radio to discuss them like they’re attractive objects he’s collecting.
Don’t be with someone who is willing to support those who would blithely disrespect you.
Don’t be with someone who, in his “so what,” renders your existence a political talking point or a funny punch line or some desirable ability to say what he thinks without consequences.
There has never been a better reason to return yourself to single status.